The real truth is I just haven't been that motivated and when I say busy, I mean occupied. Most of you know but my dad came to live with us in August and its been a blur since. Cancer is a mean disease- it affects not just the patient but those that have to care for those patients. It is heartbreaking, frustrating, and has left me feeling like I am helpless to the disease. Brian has been a real trooper. We both had short notice on this diagnosis and literally jumped right in to help my dad who didn't have the medical resources where he was living. We got the call on a Tuesday, dad was here by Friday moved in, and I went back to work on Monday. So when I say that we jumped in, we really did.
As Thanksgiving has passed, I can sit here and think back the last few months and realize that there really have been many silver linings behind these clouds of the last few months. Things have slowed down a little and I have found a moment or two to reflect on some things that I am thankful for ( in no particular order):
1. God has all the answers & even though I don't, I still have faith in knowing that He must know what He is doing and why this is happening. He has pulled Brian and I closer and made him my tower of strength.
2. For Brian, who has never questioned anything and has been reliable, dependable, and a shoulder to cry on when all the hurt and frustration builds up... because we all know that taking care of anyone that is sick is a hard thing to do, especially when it's a parent. I love him so very much.
3. The time that we have to spend with my dad and more importantly, the time that he has left to spend with us & his grandkids- however long that may be none of us know.
4. The happiness and joy that Riley and Cole fill my heart with- the laughter, the hugs, the " I love you mommy", the nuzzles that take the place of the words because they can't come out yet...
5. For my dad accepting Christ and acknowledging a relationship with God.
6. Family & friends who have been there to call, offer help, and just be "there."
7. The jaw dropping moment when my three year old asked me this weekend, "Mommy, when will God be in my heart!?"
8. The dr.'s who have had the knowledge to make a diagnosis and provide some answers to this cruel disease.
9. continually being provided for.
So I will leave you with two things: a promise to be a better blogger, and the chorus to " Long Black Train" which I am listening to right now, thinking it has great relevance to our life:
Look to the heavens
You can look to the skies
You can find redemption
Staring back into your eyes
There is protection and there's
Peace the same, burnin' your ticket for that
Long Black Train
'Cause there's vict'ry in the Lord I say,
Vict'ry in the lord,
Cling to the Father and His holy name,
And don't go ridin' on that Long Black Train