thoughts and prayers...

I don't even know how to start this and I debated about posting this...mainly because what the issue could be, could actually turn out to be nothing too concerning at all. Easier said than done...

Yesterday I went to the dr. for my regular check-up, Friday the 13th. Many have superstitions about this day and believe it brings bad things. In my case that may be true, hopefully not!!!

I began by telling her that I am concerned about some things... I feel like I have never fully "bounced back" from havng Cole. It seemed after Riley that things just got back to how they used to be. Things as in those things dealing with me. She asked me what things are different. I began explaining that I usually feel tired, feel like I keep losing weight (which is not on purpose), feeling like one day is great and the next any little thing can upset me for no apparent reason. Feeling hungry all the time...even after eating big meals. This hunger shows up again not too long later. I wake up in the middle of the night starving, I feel like no matter what or how much I eat, it's gone a little later and I find myself rummaging around trying to find something to eat. Even if I sleep for 9 hours a night, I am still exhausted the next day.

So let's backtrack for a moment and just say that with these so -called problems could just be the workings of my life...it could just be that I am a working mom and BUSY and tired. I work full time and then come home and do all that that entails. By the time Brian and I sit down at nights and relax, it's usually after both kids are in bed around 9. I have a 7 month old who still wakes up starving between 3 and 5 every night. Riley slept all the way through at 9 weeks!! Maybe we're spoiled! One might think so...

In any event, I just feel not up to par all the time. So she told me that she needs to run some lab work- I was relieved that she agreed with what I thought. My thinking is that there is something going on with my thyroid. She agreed.

Then she did the yearly exam and mentioned that my uterus is enlarged...and no, I'm NOT pregnant or else I'm sure she would have said it yesterday. It shouldn't be enlarged 7 months after giving birth. She didn't say much, but that it was bigger than it should be. I told her it was tender when she pushed on it- the left side. Right side felt fine when touched. She tells me to get dressed and come outside. I'm getting a little worried and upset by this point.

I meet the nurse at the station, get my paperwork for the lab, and she's telling me to make sure I don't leave yet...she's in her office. I have no idea what shes doing. So she tells me I need to come next week for an ultrasound to check what's going on. Of course, I cry just because it's the fear of the unknown. I had to ask before I left what she thinks could be the isse at hand.. the thyroid is not my concern. If it is over/underactive then it's fixable with medicine. The word ultrasound os what worries me, knowing I'm not pregnant. My initial thoughts are the reasons you get an ultrasound when you're not pregnant are because there is usually something else there.

She tells me, " well, I don't think that this is what it is, but on the worst case scenario, it is possible and could be ovarian cancer." I freak out. She says, " It's ok, we're going to check it out and I don't think it is that, but on the other end it could be a cyst or fibroid." Well, I'm sorry but I didn;t handle that well. She threw the "c" word at me and scared me half to death. So next Friday is my ultrasound. I have to wait a whole week to see what's going on! I'm going to check and see if I can make it in earlier.

So this morning, yes on valentine's day, I had to get up early and not eat or drink ANYTHING, go get blood drawn. They are running 5 tests: T3 (thyroid), Lipid panel for LDL/HDL, metabolic screen, red blood cells, and one called Luteinizing Hormone, which after doing some research on my own I found out that this is the one that could be an indicator for abnormal hormone levels and an indicator for cysts.

I am trying my very best to keep my cool but I have my moments. This is not sitting well with me. I'm sure there is nothing major- I'm 28! But I write this to ask you to keep me, all of us, in your prayers. When I know something, I will update. Until then, say some prayers because I am concerned.